Generally, the mistakes made in the first essay had multiple appearances throughout my second essay. In both this essay and the previous essay, I was unable to elaborate quotes the way I wanted to express. I would elaborate the quote in a way that makes sense in my head, but it didn’t connect in the same way for the reader. Therefore, for this essay I wanted to slow down and think how I want to word my elaboration of the quote. In my previous essay, some of my peers had questioned what I was trying to say in the elaboration, compared to that essay, I feel like my peers connected the quotes the way I imagined. An example of one of my elaboration states:

 “It all adds up to a flight from conversation- at least from conversation that is open-ended and spontaneous, conversation in which we play with ideas, in which we allow ourselves to be fully present and vulnerable” (Turkle 379). As we have these conversations, we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.

From this my peers were able to get the connection, because it was stated directly. Whereas in the previous essay, I think I was being vague, which caused confusion. Overall, the feedback from both essays have allowed me to develop my essay further.